Learning to learn

I hate being unskilled. But let's face it, that's what I am -- an unskilled writer.

Oh, I can put words together, often beautifully. I can plan a novel pretty well, I have an inexhaustible imagination.

But I can't put one word in front of the other in a sustained fashion. I begin to doubt. I get impatient. I want to feel that I am an expert without taking the time and trouble to develop the expertise.

I begin to think that because writing is hard, it is not for me; I think writing is easy for successful writers, and that finding writing effortful is evidence that I am not good at it.

When the going gets tough, I give up. And I give up despite the evidence that I have talent. I forget Woody Allen's observation that 80% of success is just showing up.

Another false start

The idea that was going to make me famous doesn't work, at least, not in its current form. It has an interesting protagonist, but her conflicts aren't fully fleshed out. Her antagonist is society generally, but her society doesn't have good enough reasons to hate her. The twist is interesting -- the story takes place three decades from now.

I think these problems are fixable, and maybe one day I'll fix them.

What I do not think is fixable, or at least, not obviously so, is the setting. The setting is not interesting -- it's just New York City, but not any particularly interesting aspect of it that I know about. At most, it could be a Sex in the City-type setting -- so you see the problem.

So I have gone back to the project that originally inspired this blog, which has so much setting that I was inspired, early in the project, to try to draw a picture with a fountain pen -- and I don't draw.

I've updated my word count to reflect drafting on that project so far. I am doing Holly Lisle's How to Think Sideways course, and I'm going to work on that project in the course. The course is scheduled to take six months, and that's fine. I'm not going anywhere.

626

Because I have not written for a few days, the number of words per day that I have to average in order to have 100,000 words by the time I go on vacation in Aruba has risen to 626. I set up some formulas in an Excel spreadsheet, so that all I have to do is update the number of words in my draft and push a button to recalculate the sheet -- and then I'll know what my average word count has to be. If I haven't written, I just push the button to recalculate the sheet, so that the number of days until Aruba is updated and reflected in the calculations.

If I can figure out a way to turn this spreadsheet into a widget to put on my blog, maybe I can share it with other people!

236

That's my average number of words per day on my novel so far, counting from August 4.

At this rate, I'll have a 100,000-word first draft in approximately one-year and two months. *heavy sigh*

On the other hand, what was I doing one year and two months ago? I certainly wasn't writing a novel, but if I had been, I'd have a first draft by now.

I have a new goal date to finish a first draft -- I want it done before my husband and I leave for our annual Aruba vacation January 31, 2010. *pausing for effect* I figured out I'll need to average 613 words per day to hit that target.

"Clustering" to the rescue!

Hadn't really moved forward to a new scene for several days, been feeling a little stuck. The first lesson of How To Think Sideways describes "clustering," which I understand as brainstorming using a map. Being a left-brain person, I had to fight a little resistance to doing it -- but thankfully, I rebelled at Holly's effrontery in labeling me and attacked the assignment with gusto.

In fewer than ten minutes I had gotten so much information from my "muse" that I went right to my draft and typed out the first few hundred words of the next scene. I had reached the state of clarity on what needed to be communicated that had been lacking, and which had frozen me. I really need a clear picture of where people are, what they're doing, what they're thinking, and why they had to be where they are before I can get going. I have to feel like I'm kind of taking dictation to draft.

So, a few hundred words isn't a deluge, but I feel energized and looking forward to completing the scene when my day job releases me again!

Back to school

I've signed up for Holly Lisle's How to Think Sideways course. I always did well in school and I'm going to try to recreate the kind of positive outside pressure I got from course deadlines.

Or something.

Little things mean a lot

I have been writing in dribs and drabs today, a few hundred words at a time. This does not mean I have waited for a respectable clump of words to accumulate before updating my word count meter. On the contrary, I have been updating it obsessively every time I finish a few paragraphs and feel in need for a break.

I think I've changed the word count four or five times today already. It's extremely gratifying to see the word count increase, even if it's only by 250 words at a time.